Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
