That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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