They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
