Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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