Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
