i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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