Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
