i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
