The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
