Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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