wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize