You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
