I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
