i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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