That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
