I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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