either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
