i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
