if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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