remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
