but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
