Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
