she smelled like a LAN party
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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