dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize