I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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