I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
