A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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