Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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