wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
