dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
