at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
