I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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