I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
