Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She needs sedatives and a leash
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
