Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
