I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
