Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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