oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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