Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize