If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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