I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
