this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
