dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
