he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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