Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
