well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
