what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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