oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
