The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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