hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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