There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize