May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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