Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize