is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
