let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
