I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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