Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
