I'm lost and stupid without you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
nutella sex= disaster
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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