This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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