after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
