I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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