i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
