i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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