sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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