she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
