I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
