Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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