Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
